Jokes about grandmothers

Grandma with low vision is so fond of cats, that 3 days otpaivala discarded milk cap.

During the wedding, my grandmother, while reading a poem with the cards, got lost, get into a fuss, she said... I'm better in your own words, and moved to the obscene limericks....

Dialogue grandmother and rescue service operator:.
- Darling! .
- Granny, she will sit, sit, and get off.
- And if you can not? .
- Granny! .

In order not to confuse cats, one named Murzik grandmother and the other drowned.



At the entrance there was no young girls and grandmothers on the bench as a prostitute named caretaker.

International competition among grandmothers knitting:.
- Russian grandmother knitted socks;.
- Dutch grandmother was not able to connect two words;.
- Chinese grandmother knitted iPhone;.
- Somali grandmother of all grandmothers knitted and demanded $ 3 million.

- Granny and grannies, let RR 5.
- What?.
- Give me five rubles!.
- What?.
- Give me 10 rubles!.
- Well you asked for 5!?.

Grandmother, who knows how to write text messages, call friends in the courtyard of a witch.

A call to an emergency Gorgaza:.
- Sons of what. Stove in the morning included, and the gas does not burn!.
- Grandma, and you lit a match?.
- Oh, now I will kindle.

A foreigner comes to the Russian abandoned village. He saw - Grandma for chasing geese and shouting: ... A man does not understand why she calls the geese dogs.
I decided to ask for Grandma. says:.
- Granny, it's the geese??.
- Well, geese, you cho blind?.
- Why do you call them dogs?.
- And because these pigs have trampled my whole garden!.

bell. An old woman's voice:.
- And hto there?.
Same old woman's voice:.
- STE I, Seraphim, on the third floor of the Thekla!.
- What to prove?.
- I can show the pension. Do you see?.
- No. I can not take out my eye.
- Do you put tubaretochku.
The sound of shuffling steps, installed stools.
- So what? .
The thunder of the falling stools, body.
- ( Muffled ), Thekla, you are what?.
- Yes, I.
- Call the ambulance.

My grandmother delightfully considering bathing suit granddaughter.
- Oh, if I were a young man could wear a bathing suit, what was you had a grandfather!.

There are two grandmothers once, for 80 years each, the other one says:.
- I've heard in a new sex shop opened?.
- Food or business?.

summer. village. Grandmother sitting next to houses. Past the Corps is directed away. One grandmother looked at the commander and the other says so calmly:.
- Oh, the military pulled out the map. Right now the road will be asking.

- Grandmother, why do you have such big eyes?.
- Grandson gown Smell!.

They talk to two of the deaf old woman:.
- Oh, very poor harvest this year!.
Cucumbers - these are (shows middle finger ), tomatoes - these are ( ring twists of the thumb and forefinger ).
Another old woman:.
- Yes, you do not kill it! .

A young girl comes home and explains what the market saw a cucumber, accompanying gestures said:.
- In - a -length from the. Ten inches in diameter.
Blind grandmother shakes her head:.
- This, of course, great, but the main thing that got married!.

Grandma comes to the clinic and says:.
- Darling, I am the other day urine analysis yielded the result is ready?.
- Granny, you are brought sunflower oil instead of urine.
- Won FAQ, but I still think this is why I have potatoes and burnt burnt.

Walking down the street an old grandma. In both hands on the bag. One small and one large. From the big crashes every 10 steps 50- ruble banknote. It saw the police and stopped the grandmother:.
- Citizen, you have money flying out of the bag.
Granny turns:.
- Thank you, son, you need to go back to collect.
But the police will not let my grandmother:.
- Where did you get so much money? .
old woman:.
- She did not, I just live near the stadium, and when one of the fans running into the bushes beside a pee my entrance, I stand behind the bushes uzho with scissors, and say ' Or 50 rubles, or cut off '.
Police said:.
- And, of course... By the way, good idea! .
old woman:.
- Well, it. Not everyone is paying....

Grandson opens the door. On the threshold of his own grandmother. He:.
- Oh, Grandma! .
- This is where you picked up such bad words?.
- Mom....
- I wonder if your mother who plucked them?.
- He says that you have....
- Do not believe it! .

Grandma was sitting on a bench and crying. Passes by a guy:.
- Grandma, you have offended someone? .
- Oh, grandson, my wallet was stolen with all my money....
- And a lot of money was there, Grandma?.
- Many grandson, one hundred and fifty rubles....
- Grandma 's take a hundred and fifty rubles, but please do not cry.
- Wait a grandson, and maybe you and you give me the purse?.

Grandma came into the store to buy galoshes, she chose a pair, and for them the box was not. In the end, she put them in a box with the inscription: '1000 condom '. Grandma bought them and went home by bus. At one stop in the bus comes to a girl and get on against the Old ladies. I saw the box, was surprised and asked:.
- My grandmother, but you do not have a lot?.
Old woman replied:.
- What are you, granddaughter. Since my grandfather shuffles - and a week is not enough.

- My grandmother, read me something for the night.
- What, for example?.
- Read the rap!.

- In life, nothing is eternal.
- Well, not say. Here, for example, you were born, then kindergarten, then school, then graduated and went to work, got married and now you have with your children go out for a walk, and my grandmother at the door all the same.

86- year-old grandmother went on a date with a 95 -year-old grandfather. When she returned home, the granddaughter asked her:.
- My grandmother has passed a date? .
- You know, I hit him on the cheek several times.
- Granny, he molested you?.
- No. I thought he was dead.

Sitting at the entrance of two grannies:.
- Hey, P., and know why the entrance lights disappear?.
- The one kind of nit tyrit....
- That is not... Panimash, eating their young!.
- Lyakseevna, you do have survived from the mind!.
- Yes, I swear, P.! .
- Will you?.
A girl stands ponimash, Menjou, then it means the guy to her and says:.
- Yes, where are you getting around it... - and panimash, then twist the bulb, and then adds in the dark:.
- Come on, open your mouth wider! .

My grandmother came from the countryside into the city, a visit to his daughter. A teenage grandson asked her:.
- Grandma, and I brought a gift?.
- Yes, the grandson, I brought you strawberries... Five CDs!.

An old woman on the bench complaining about the other:.
- Yes, damn, these newlyweds! .
- Well, clearly, the young temperamental, krovushka rages....
- Yes, what there is seething... All night enclose the ears to the wall, have erased them completely... I do not hear!.